$1,032,150,000 US Dollars and counting. That's how much money I've turned down since February 2005. I know that the various widows, bank managers, bureaucrats, and others who have contacted me did so confident that I would be able to help them move these funds out of their various troubled african nations of residence. I know that each one represents a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity (except for those that got sent to me at two different email addresses), but I'm holding out for the perfect combination of incredible wealth, political intrigue, and convoluted grammar. Anything worth having is worth waiting for, right?

Irony is the most powerful force in the universe. Irony depends on the audience being able to recognize the opposition between what is obvious on the surface and what is known, but not apparent. Irony is what makes humans special. Slapstick hits the reptilian brain - it's physiological - but only conscious human intelligence can produce irony. My favorite superhero would be Irony Man. His superpower would be: "to make observations that reveal insight into human nature, especially poigniant in consideration of facts known only to the audience."

Why is Captain Beefheart so freaky?

under the pool, originally uploaded by Bongocopter.

My four-year-old daughter asked me a few days ago: "Why is Captain Beefheart so freaky?" I said: some artists think differently - their brains work in a different way than other people; they put thoughts together that other people wouldn't. I could see her thinking about this. Since then, she's mentioned it once or twice. I wonder what will come out of this? I wonder if listening to C.B. from such a young age can have an impact on brain chemistry? Kind of like listening to Mozart, but more... freaky.